Nature vs Nurture

A friend reached out with questions regarding some feelings I might have had in regards to my birth mother and my adoption.  I came across this article I wrote in my FB notes.  Why reinvent the wheel...

One gone, one forgotten, and one found

The recent loss of a friend's parent brought me pause. Though this is the natural course of things, it is still something that causes me reflection, pain, and a well of emotion.

I have had three mothers. Yes, three...

One gone...
Claudia was an amazing soul. She raised me from the time I left the hospital until she passed in 1984. She not only worked a full time job in Hollywood as a PR coordinator for the Academy of Television, Arts and Sciences (a means to reaching her goal of becoming a script writer), but also was a foster parent. Many children came through her door over the years. She embraced this endeavor of care giver and savior to the unfortunate and left behind. Of these many I was the one she chose to keep as her own. She chose me! She was my "Mama" and to this day her sudden removal from my world cuts me to the core. It was an accident and she was irreparable. She is gone and she will always be missed. I will always remember.

One forgotten...
MaryRita was Claudia's sister in law, her brother's wife. Young with two small children of her own. They signed a Will. A Will that said if Claudia died I would be theirs. Who signs a Will and thinks what they sign will come to fruition. Well, the unthinkable actually happened and the "formidable" (Claudia's words enclosed with the copy of the Will she sent them) document they signed came true. They kept me fed, clothed, and appeased. For this I was gracious (my husband can attest). At 19, I left to find independence. The response a choice. Chose them or independence. I chose independence. And for this response I was the one who was forgotten. On a side, recently I attempted contact yet again by calling MaryRita at work. I informed the secretary to relay her "oldest" daughter was on the phone. When she answered the first thing she said was "Christina!" I have been FORGOTTEN!

One found...
On July 29th of the 29th year of my life I went to my mailbox and found a letter. The letter was postmarked from Hawaii and was addressed to my maiden name. Odd, yes, but un-thought of no. I opened it to find I had been found. My birth mother had found me! She was alive and well. She was patiently and un-abrasively requesting my interest. Through my contact with this woman who bore me I am experiencing a whole new world of acceptance and love. It has given me the opportunity to explore nature vs. nurture first hand. I am my own experiment. I have siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins...all of whom want me in their lives. Their questions are for knowledge, not judgment. I am accepted and loved because of my lineage, not in spite of it. I was lost, and now I am found!

And with this knowledge comes great responsibility and challenge. The responsibility to remember and the challenge to be open enough to take what you need and leave the rest.

Shalom and Good Night!
Amber

Originally written: May 1, 2007